The Bunky Freeks

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Jasper Wheelie was born in a bin in Stockholm in 1583. He spent the first 74 years of his life living with Mermaids and consequently lives entirely on a diet of sand and paint. He likes to take long walks in the woods reading poetry and devotes much of his time to the care of orphaned earth-worms. He has an uncanny sense of smell and can track Belhaven Brewery lorries from a distance of up to 17 miles!

Before joining the Bunky Freeks he was in the service of the Sultan of Brunei working as an orangutan in the Royal menagerie. His keeper managed to communicate with him using sign language and, eventually, French, which he learned from the Gorilla in the cage next door. Using his phenomenal language skills he was able to tell his keeper when he was hungry, when he needed his nappy changed and which of the Lemurs had taken his Fiat Panda down to the garage for fags on Saturday night.

Jasper's vocal style has often been blamed on his primate days but he conditions his vocal cords daily with a constant supply of bananas.

© Bunky Freeks 2008