The Bunky Freeks

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Scaldy Jeebag was born a squirrel and developed his love of rock music by listening to the radio which belonged to the Badgers at the bottom of his tree. He decided to become Human at an early age when he found out that Squirrels only live for 3 weeks. The transformation is now almost complete and has all been achieved non-surgically through a combination of diet and exercise. Worried about a possible nut allergy he has recently been forced to change his diet entirely to prawn cocktail crisps.

Scaldy licks the fuzz off mouldy coffee cups. As a result of this natural antibiotic intake he is completely immune to all types of illness and has developed fire-proof skin. Despite this he is still a confirmed hypochondriac and it is estimated that he costs the National Health service around 8.4 million groats per year!

Scaldy can juggle 37 plates with his teeth and his party-piece is urinating in rainbow colours. He has sired over a thousand children, all named Bernard, and aims to unite them all in an Osmondsesque boy band to compete in next years Eurovision Song Contest. Organisers have expressed concerns about the size of the stage but Scaldy says it'll be OK as he has told them all to stand sideways.

© Bunky Freeks 2008